Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
