I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
