you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
