Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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