I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize