The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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