Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
