well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is Oprah even human
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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