somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize