your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
