In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
