Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
