My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
