The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
