Where is the hickey?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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