the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
