Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
