I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
