I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
