i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
