the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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