matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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