I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
