Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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