Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
