Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
