So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this just has baby written all over it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
