thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
