Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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