I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
