I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
