I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
