Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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