She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
