YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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