I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
