I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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