In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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