The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
