true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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