Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
