i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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