when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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