Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
