So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
