girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize