You made me cry and you don't even care
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dick very happy bro
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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