I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
