# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
