So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
