The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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