absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
