For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize