Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
