I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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