I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
