my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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