I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
