i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
