The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
