Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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