So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
