She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
