Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
