I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
