mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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