I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
