so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize