Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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