You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
