Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
