so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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