Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
