Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize