now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
