While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
