Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
