$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
