from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize